They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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