bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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