saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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