i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
