not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize