I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
