he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
