i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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