Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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