i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
