she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
