see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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