the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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