Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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