Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
