i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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