Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
