I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
