i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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