we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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