somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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