Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
