I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
