he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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