my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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