come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
