I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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