So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
