he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
