Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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