And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
