i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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