It's Friday. Sex?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
