I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
