if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
