When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
