I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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