you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I faked an abortion last night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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