Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
