Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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