Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
