so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
