Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
