Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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