My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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