I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
