I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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