Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
