Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
