whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
