I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
