I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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