So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
