dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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