i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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