i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
