Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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