i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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