I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
