i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
