I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well you can't waste a boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
