the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
