I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
